i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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