Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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