His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
