My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
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