then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize