I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
