Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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