She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
