to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize