I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
false alarm, still single
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
