I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
