if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
