Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
