Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
