you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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