There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
