So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
