Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
