Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
