party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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