The maid of honor just puked.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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