My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
