I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I wear drunk well.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
