I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Plan B is the new Plan A
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
