everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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