All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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