i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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