All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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