The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
