Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
