Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize