this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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