Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
