And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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