Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
