We're like a lot better than the average bears
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
