Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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