We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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