I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
FUCK WHALES
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
