Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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