I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
