I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
