my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
