Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
