He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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