I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
God, I missed his penis.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
