yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
