You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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