Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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