i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
