Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
