Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
