This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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