ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize