so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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