Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize