Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize