Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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