garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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