Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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