i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
