no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
