I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
