i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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