I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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