I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
