Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize