I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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