We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
