A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
