we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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