Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
