I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
