my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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