obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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